We asked women with disabilities what their daily life looks like during the pandemic. What they go through from morning to evening, what activities keep them busy, what they talk about with themselves or other members of the household, what changed in their daily routine, what their greatest obstacles under the new circumstances are and how they overcome them, what aspects of their character help them or make it more difficult to cope with the situation, what their sources of support are, if there is a good side to what is going on, what new things they have discovered about themselves during the state of emergency, how isolation affects their relations with others, what makes them angry, are their days in isolation too long or too short, what is the first thing they will do when this is over…? This is how the instant column Quarantine Notes on the Disability Portal came to be. Below are the notes of Dušanka Vukelić, a war veteran with disabilities. Dušanka is a nurse by education, she is involved in shooting and is an active member of several associations.

The news about the new corona virus on television starts in March of the 2020 leap year. My husband and his brothers have gone to our home region Lika for ten days or so, soon to return, so I video call them to warn them about the fast-spreading virus. The story is intensifying, more and more countries are facing this, as it seems, already a global problem: China fighting against an invisible menace, terrifying reports from Italy, the number of infected is rising, mortality is increasing.  There are patients who recovered, but significantly less (usually it is those with milder symptoms and a stronger immune system). This situation found my household members and me amid having the walls painted, also the house painter had an accident, he hurt his leg coming down the ladder, so the painting work was prolonged. We clean and wash every day, we tidy. My husband returns home, in disbelief of what is going on in the world. He just came back from a clean environment with beautiful nature. The three of them, nearly completely alone in an abandoned village, working far away from civilization, but they have internet, they heard something, they don’t listen to the news and it all seems a bit unbelievable to them. They are surprised and can’t believe it, while I am the total opposite of this. I understand how serious all this is, probably because of my profession. I am a nurse, so I know that what is invisible can be lethal.

On Friday morning I had a video call from my brother-in-law in Novi Sad. He called from the market with mask and gloves on, showing me the disinfectant he uses to clean his stall. – The corona has arrived in our country, there are infected people in Novi Sad and Belgrade – he worryingly reports on the gravity of the situation. After talking to him, I grab a cloth and cleaning liquid. I scrub down all work surfaces in the kitchen and dining room, everything I could reach by hand. The final step is disinfection of all surfaces and handles with alcohol, and that’s how it goes all day. All household members are involved in cleaning and disinfecting. My daughter-in-law and son have taken care of their space on the upper floor and loft, they are making some changes, because they’re preparing for their third baby, due to arrive with a C-section at the beginning of July.

The house now smells of Domestos and alcohol. As he goes into the bathroom, my husband says: –Smells like a hospital. People are gradually starting to understand how serious the situation is. Several days ago, we were watching the news after dinner, and I remember well, I was eating a spinach pie, and I could only eat half of it. Watching the images of the horrors in Italy, the numerous coffins, I felt a chill creeping along my spine, all the way to the top of my head. – Not again! – I thought. It took me back to the war period, back to 1991, when I was injured by shrapnel from a mine while performing my duties as a nurse, and went through true hell. Discomfort, nausea, and retuning to the past; I feel I could let this amount of stress out. I slowly get up to go to the bathroom, but I don’t make it, I comes out of me. I haven’t vomited like that since I was pregnant. I measure my blood pressure, it jumped to 133­/84. It is high, normally it’s 90/60, sometimes 110/70. I am assessing myself: – Maybe it’s a subconscious fear of danger and death – but that is a question for an expert.

Again, like many times before, I look for salvation in work. Before all this, I started a needlepoint for my granddaughter Tijana. Needlepoint is therapy for my right shoulder that I injured, which is why I am making a pause in shooting practice, but it is also therapy for my soul. I have a painful period behind me, involving the loss of my parents.

I’m come over with worry for my colleagues, medical workers at the frontline of the pandemic, so my prayers go to them, to be protected from the virus, to be strong and endure and overcome this menace. I am sorry I can’t do this job anymore, but we can help by respecting emergency measures, not just by applauding them, but by protecting ourselves and others from the further spread of the virus. This is the only way we can win this pandemic: total disinfection and immediate temporary reduction of all physical contact. Keeping a distance of one to two meters, masks, gloves – these are efficient weapons in the fight against the invisible enemy. It will pass, of course, but with many victims.

The state of emergency can be used for all those activities we didn’t manage to dedicate our attention to because of work, rushing around, different obligations. Now we can dedicate our time to that which gives us pleasure and makes us happy. To be honest, being a bit slower, the workday is too short for everything I have planned. I worked on the needlepoint four-five hours a day, I walked, exercised a bit, as much as I could at home (I recommend doing easy exercises for activating the lymphatic system to everyone). It’s a great advantage that we have a house and lot, a garden where we can have our coffee in peace when the weather is nice. We have a greenhouse, our home-grown fruit and vegetables, not sprayed and healthy. There’s as much work around that as you like.

Besides all these activities, we now have more time to play and spend time with our grandchildren. On a workday, my grandson Filip follows his classes on television. In addition to that, he gets his homework through e-mail and Viber, and sends the completed work back to his teacher. It seems they handled the new situation well, though parents need to get more engaged around school activities. My granddaughter Tijana and I use this time to play. We both enjoy it, we let our imagination lead us and we never get bored, every day is a different game. A couple of days ago my clever little girl says: – Grandma, I wish you were never injured! When I asked her why, she told me: – We could have even more fun, you could run after me, we could chase each other, we could go to the store just the two of us! I told her: – Darling, when this is all over, we will go wherever you want!

Several years ago, I started writing about my life, just for me. I should continue, I hope I will get down to it and use this time to write. I usually have the inspiration and time only while there’s snow outside, but I could write….

The isolation and state of emergency are for our own good, with the purpose of saving and preserving people’s lives. I don’t see any burden in this, in these modern times, when there are other ways of communication, so we can use video calls to see and hear all the people we want. I regularly communicate this way with my uncle in the USA and my aunt who lives in Croatia. I regularly talk on the phone with my aunt in Belgrade, she is a big support: that’s how it was when I was injured, and that’s how it is now when my parents have passed away.

When I was injured, I lay immobile in hospital and I couldn’t talk to nor see my parents or brother, who lived 600 kilometers away, in a war-affected area. If we had had mobile phones then, it would have saved me from additional stress, and I would have worried less. That’s why I don’t understand why people are complaining now, why they are dissatisfied, when they have all the conditions in their homes and can dedicate their time to their children and spouses, to get to know them better and get close to them again, because we are so alienated from each other because of rushing, obligations and running after a pay.

This is also a fight against alienation. Look at it that way and it will be easier. The family is together again, we spend our time together, we have lunch together. In this situation, the only thing that makes me lose my temper is when some people are spoilt and arrogant, but they will find a solution for them. I am thinking of people on social networks who are calling people to go out in the street and protest, which is inconceivable for me in this situation resembling biological warfare.

Last night, I saw via Skype a cousin who is a doctor at a heart and lungs clinic in the center of London. When all this started, not even England responded well. As they had no protection, this resulted in many infected healthcare workers. Unfortunately, she also has some covid symptoms, fatigue, sore throat and pain in her ears, temperature lower than average, she is cold and has been removed from work for seven days to rest, while they monitor her condition. They expect the queen to address the people, they are building a hospital with 4000 beds. The fight goes on, we’re hoping the situation will improve. Only iron discipline, patience and mutual understanding can bring us the best possible outcome for all.

Translated by: Marina Ileš

Marijana Čanak